Friendship & Intimacy

Like many adults I worry about the role of social media in the lives of todays youth.  My children came of age at a time when the term "social media" was not yet coined.  They were of the early MySpace generation and the waters were untested as to interaction with adults and parental supervision.  Facebook has become a staple in familial communication for all generations.  I was recently delighted to see that my youngest great niece, she's 13, commenting on her Aunts college graduation.  What a great way for everyone to stay in touch.

On page 89, 3rd paragraph the authors state, "While the dominant and normative social media usage pattern is to connect with friends, family, and acquaintances, ...."  I have see this demonstrated in my own family circle and in the lives of my children and their friends.  Often younger siblings of my children's friends will comment on something in their lives and it is interesting to see their accomplishments. 

My children have remained on friendly terms with many friends who know live in another state, simply because of the use of social media.  My daughter-in-law, who is only 18, remains in regular contact with her "besties" even though she now lives 4,000 miles away.  The authors note (page 91, paragrah 3) "While social media have the potential to radically alter friendship making processes, most teens use these tools to maintain preexisting connections,..."  and "Social media offer a platform for teens to take frienships to a new level."

There is concern about developing connections with strangers.  The quote from above continues "...there are some teens who use social media to develop connections with strangers."  And that is probably the largest fear of social media with adults.  What are we exposing our children to?  However, I could comfortably counter that fear with the assertation that we are unknowingly exposing our children to a variety of evils in traditional settings.  One only has to look at recent national news stories to see the truth in this.

I was not surprised in the readings on Intimacy.  As a new MIL (mother in law) of a relationship that rose and crashed multiple times through social media I have watched this intimacy phenomena from a front seat.  I strongly agree with the statement on pg 129, par 4, "You do emotional work to maintain a relationship through digitized med......youth demonstrate affection through private and public media channels.

As an interested party in this courtship I could tell how my son was getting along by the nature of his public posts to and from Carly.  His devastating change of his FB status from "in a relationship" to "single" was enough to make me be very concerned for his wellbeing.  I was further concerned when her public posts to those who inquired, "what happened?" was, "IDK".  The use of social media in their relationship has created opportunity and challenges.  They were able to communicate regularly while he was deployed and yet he was sometimes hurt and/or felt left out as he saw her photos and comments about her life in the real world. 

As I have watched the evolution of social media in the lives of my children, I cannot help but wonder what it will be like for my grandchildren.  My oldest grandson is almost 4, he can turn on the computer, pull up Skype and call Uncle Carly (his pet names for my son and his wife) without his mothers help.  He can use her phone to call me without assistance and he often Skypes with his father when he is traveling.  Nicky has been skyping since he was 6 mo old, he will never know anything else.  I on the other hand, remember when Jane Jetson would hide behind a paper mask while talking to a screen.  I did not even know the term "video" at that age.